Tuesday, June 15, 2010

First Day Blues

A lot of parents know this: the first day of school can get a little crazy. For my son K, it was just that.

All throughout the week he had been wondering which class he'd belong to and who his class adviser would be. So when I told him that he'd be in the same class and under the same teacher, he was pacified. You see, people with Asperger's Syndrome need to be aware of their schedule for the next day. If changes occur unpredictably, it would be very devastating for them.

We started the first day of school morning like we had during the school year before: we woke up at 5, I cooked breakfast and prepared his lunch while he got ready for school. We chat for a few minutes during breakfast, he brushes his teeth and goes downstairs to wait for the school bus. Everything went smoothly and I was assured that he was ok until his teacher sent me an SMS saying that he had been transferred to a more mainstream class. I knew I should be ecstatic. I had been excited for the day when his teachers would deem him worthy of transferring to a more advanced class. But no. I was so worried about how he would cope with the sudden change in his environment/plans/classmates/teachers/subjects and so on.

So, as soon as I got home I asked him how his day went. He said: "It's a LOT DIFFERENT!" And I could tell that he didn't have a good day. When I asked him if he liked his old class better, he pulled a weird face and then tears were running down his face. I asked him why he was crying and he said: "It's automatic." I truly believe he can't understand where all the emotion was coming from but I knew it all stemmed from the fact that he went through a most devastatingly unpredictable day and he couldn't do anything about it or express how he truly felt.

This really broke my heart. I know he's bound to encounter more events like the one he endured today. And I won't be there to hold his hand or tell him that everything's going to be alright everytime this happens. But I know that I'm going to do whatever it takes to prepare him for such situations and I'll try to teach him that change is something we all will experience as we all grow older.


  1. k is a tough cookie.

    like his mom is.



  2. This just broke my heart! Not because I see your boy K crumbling and not being able to handle his new experience because I really believe he will. He sounds like a very strong little guy. No, what broke my heart is the struggle you are going through. It is never easy for us as moms to let go especially when we have even more reason to be attached and protective over our children.
    You sound like a wonderful mom and kudos to you for being so brave and for him too in this hard transition for you both:)

  3. Awww, I really hope it will get a little better after few days..
    Following you from MBC. Pls follow me back when you get the chance @ http://masalabowl.blogspot.com/